Chapter 856: Goodbye
“I kept…”
I couldn’t finish.
Something hot surged up all at once, filling my chest, my throat, my eyes. Every emotion I had ever buried rose together in a single violent rush. The years behind me came back with unbearable clarity.
I had thought I’d lost him.
I had believed I’d failed to protect him.
The guilt of leaving him behind, the rage, the grief, the sheer injustice of it had been enough to make my entire body shake. I could be sleeping, eating, laughing and talking as though nothing were wrong, and then without warning my heart would seize inside my chest. A terrible cold would come over me, as though I had left half my body behind in that field of snow.
“…I kept…”
Even if my brother was dead, I couldn’t stop searching for him.
He was already gone. Even if I found him, all I would recover was a body destined to disappear beneath the earth or burn until nothing remained but ash. The living mattered more. There were people who would have said that, and it wasn’t as though the thought had never crossed my mind.
But more than anything else, I knew I couldn’t survive doing nothing.
Even if the road ahead was hopeless, I had to struggle. I had to claw my way forward just to breathe.
One desperate step after another…
And somewhere along the way, breathing became easier.
Even after leaving my brother behind like that, I had somehow continued to live. More than that, I had lived better than I ever expected I could.
That realization was strange. It was sad.
And yet it also made me think that, somehow, I would go on living from then on too.
“I…”
I had thought that once I brought my brother home, I could lay the pain and grief to rest beside him and cover them over with longing.
Then I met Yuhyun at twenty–six.
And I let him go.
Of course I hadn’t been all right. I had said goodbye with my heart tearing apart inside me. But I had sent him off properly, and I had thought that meant I had brought everything to a proper end.
I had thought it was finally over.
But I…
“…Hyung.”
Yuhyun quietly reached out and wrapped his arms around me.
My eyes burned. My throat ached. The sound of my own sobbing reached me as though it belonged to someone else.
I was still full of lingering regrets.
It seemed I had held on to everything all this time. I hadn’t managed to release a single thing.
And now all of it came pouring out.
Only when he told me I had never let go in the first place did I finally become capable of letting go.
I let everything spill out with my tears.
White petals kept falling around us.
They drifted endlessly through the air.
“…You too, Yuhyun.”
It was a long time before I wiped my wet eyes. Maybe because Final Recompense was still active, they didn’t seem swollen. They had to be streaked with tears, though, so I summoned a handful of water.
I remembered how Yerim always sent water my way whenever I cried, and a small laugh escaped me. As I washed my face, Chirp fluttered into the water and splashed around beside me.
“You waited for me. That’s how I made it this far.”
Had I never learned that I had left my brother behind, I might not have fought so desperately. I might even have given up on Seong Hyunjae and Chief Song, telling myself that their situation was beyond anything I could handle.
“I never wanted to lose you again. That was why I couldn’t give up on anything. You said I completed you, but it was never one–sided. The Han Yujin standing here now only exists because Han Yuhyun was there too.”
And I had exchanged so much with so many other people.
Even with another version of myself.
“The me inside the dungeon. Though it isn’t a dungeon anymore, I suppose. Anyway, he was strangely relaxed the last time I saw him. Did he know about you?”
“It’s a world I created, and even though the Han Yuhyun who lives there was created by the dungeon, he’s still deeply connected to Han Yuhyun. We were linked for a short time.”
“So he did know?”
“Not the details. Only that I had taken my place within the Origin and that I was waiting for you.”
“Now I’m annoyed with him all over again. They’re still doing well, aren’t they?”
“Their world stabilized and became completely independent. They should be fine.”
Even if that bastard had known, he probably couldn’t have told me. There must have been restrictions. More importantly, had I learned about Yuhyun back then, I might never have made it this far.
If I had known Yuhyun had become the Origin, then honestly, I might have agreed with Chief Song’s method…
“Wow… That really could have ended badly.”
Now that I thought about it, if the Wish Moon’s plan had succeeded, Yuhyun would have been killed too.
I had been given several chances to hand Seong Hyunjae over to Crescent Moon. Crescent Moon had even tempted me by promising to grant whatever I desired.
Had I accepted her offer, I would have lost my brother forever without ever knowing it.
A chill ran down my spine at the thought alone.
“If the Wish Moon had succeeded in creating a new Origin, you wouldn’t have survived either, would you?”
– Neither would I, Dad.
Chirp raised one wing.
“What? You too, Chirp?”
– If Han Yuhyun disappeared before fully establishing himself as the Origin, I would be drawn back into the empty place. I would become the Origin again. The White Bird’s wish was fulfilled when we were able to be together, but…
They had known they might be separated again at any moment, Chirp explained.
– But whatever choice you made would have been all right. The White Bird and I were able to share the same time, even if only for a little while.
“I feel the same, Hyung. Whatever the outcome, if it came from a choice you made of your own free will, I would have accepted it.”
“…Both of you need to dream a little bigger. What do you mean, you would’ve been fine? I wouldn’t have been fine. And you, Yuhyun, especially. You need to say what you want!”
Yuhyun blinked at me.
Then he smiled.
Don’t think you can get out of this by smiling like that.
“All right, Hyung. I wanted you to come to where I was.”
“…Yeah. And now I’m here.”
A white bench appeared. Shadows of blossoms shifted gently over it.
We sat down side by side, just as we had once before.
Yuhyun asked if I was hungry. Now that he mentioned it, I did feel a little hungry. A lunch box appeared on his lap.
Sandwiches, gimbap, and inari sushi.
All foods I had made for him before.
The first gimbap I ever made hadn’t even contained all the proper fillings. I had rolled it so badly that the sides split open.
I cracked open a can of soda. The tab made a crisp, refreshing sound.
Chirp picked up a cherry tomato beside the sandwiches. Flower petals settled on the four–tiered lunch box.
I watched the blossoms drift past us.
“Yuhyun, you haven’t been watching absolutely everything I’ve done, have you…?”
The thought suddenly occurred to me halfway through a sandwich.
He was the Origin, after all.
And he had said we were connected.
“Not everything.”
“No, it’s just… We’re brothers, and it’s true there isn’t much we haven’t seen of each other. But your older brother does still have some right to privacy.”
I had raised him myself, bathed him, even taken him to public baths with me.
Still, I couldn’t exactly claim that I had never done anything I would be mortified for Yuhyun to see.
The back of my neck grew warm.
Had he seen Chatterbox’s party?
Had he seen me sending hearts to all the viewers and everything?
The embarrassment hit me all over again.
“Don’t worry. It wasn’t like I was watching you directly. And I would love you no matter what you were like.”
“Well, sure. I mean… Even if you had seen everything, if it meant you weren’t lonely, I suppose I wouldn’t mind. That’s all that matters.”
Yuhyun plucked a flower petal off my sandwich.
“I was never lonely. I could feel how much you thought about me. Far more clearly and certainly than I ever could before. My existence, my consciousness, every part of my growth – all of it came from you.”
“…I’m glad.”
The flowers were beautiful.
The day was warm.
Even the gentle breeze felt pleasant against my skin.
More than anything, simply being here beneath the blossoms with my brother made me happy.
We talked about one thing and another. Laughter slipped easily into our idle conversation.
But there was a shadow in one corner of my heart that I couldn’t ignore.
Nothing could last forever.
The flowers would fall.
This warm, peaceful time would eventually pass.
That only meant I should savor it more, but…
“You should eat too. I doubt you need to, but we’re here together, so we should eat together.”
“Okay, Hyung.”
“Had I known this would happen, I would’ve made something to bring with me. Oh, wait. Maybe…”
I rummaged through my inventory.
I thought I still had some left.
“Found it!”
Preserved fruit.
Yuhyun had always liked it, so I made more whenever I had the chance. Byeol liked it too, and so did Gyeol and Seol.
I had packed some when I stopped by home.
I handed Yuhyun the entire jar. He took out a piece of fruit and placed it in his mouth.
His smile was beautiful.
“It’s good, Hyung.”
I quietly watched his face.
Then I slowly opened my mouth.
“What happens now, Yuhyun?”
To you.
And to me.
At my subdued question, Yuhyun rose from the bench.
I stood as well.
Chirp spiraled into the air.
“Hyung. I died.”
“…Yeah.”
“That is the one thing that cannot be changed.”
I had suspected as much.
What the White Bird had taken was Yuhyun’s magic stone. The twenty–five–year–old Yuhyun could not return to me.
He could be born anew from the magic stone, but that new life would not truly be the same person.
Gyeol was entirely different.
He possessed a few of Seong Hyunjae’s memories, but they were only knowledge. I had never thought of Gyeol and Seong Hyunjae as the same person. And apart from belonging to the same broader species of Dragonkin, there was no trace of Diarma or the other Dragonkin left in him.
Byeol’s memories of her former life were hazy as well.
Her past had undoubtedly influenced her, but her species and appearance were completely different. She never confused the person she had been in her previous life with who she was now.
Byeol was Byeol.
Seol was somewhat different.
Perhaps it was because the Black Dragon had been transformed directly into a sword and preserved in that form. Born from the Black Dragon’s heart, Seol retained many memories of the past.
Even so, there was a clear boundary between who he was now and the Black Dragon he had once been. Their personalities were quite different as well.
In the end, the survival of someone’s magic stone did not mean that person was still alive.
“More importantly, my place has already been filled. The twenty–one–year–old me is your younger brother in the present.”
The twenty–six–year–old Yuhyun, whom I had buried in the past and sent away.
The twenty–one–year–old Yuhyun, who would remain with me in the present.
And this other brother standing before me…
“I – the Origin – have not yet been born. I can move and possess a sense of self only because I already exist as your younger brother.”
“…You can’t remain like this for long, can you?”
“No. If the Origin remains unborn, it will eventually begin feeding again. First on the world where you live. Then on another world after that.”
We had dealt with the Pseudo–Origin, but everything else would simply return to the way it had been.
If we left things as they were, Crescent Moon – the Wish Moon – would eventually appear again as well.
Black eyes gazed into mine.
For a moment, they seemed to waver.
No.
It was my own vision that trembled.
“If you want, Hyung, I can be born anew as the Origin. But whatever is born will not be me.”
“…No. It wouldn’t be.”
Just like Gyeol and Byeol.
Perhaps the child born as the Origin would resemble Yuhyun even less than they resembled their former selves.
“A child who was once Han Yuhyun, but is no longer Han Yuhyun. Hyung, the ‘me’ you know will disappear completely. No magic stone, no remnant of any kind. Even my memories will probably be gone.”
This would be a true farewell.
Nothing would remain this time.
My hands clenched into fists without my realizing it.
“But I could choose not to be born. I could go to sleep instead.”
“What? Go to sleep?”
“As Han Yuhyun, together with the Fifth Origin. I would stop feeding and wait for you. Snow would begin to fall here again.”
The white blossoms would become white snow once more.
My breath caught.
“You want me to leave you alone in that snowfield again? Don’t say something so ridiculous!”
“No, Hyung. I would be all right. I mean it.”
“How could you possibly be all right!”
“Even if I stop feeding, all things will eventually return to the Origin. Once your natural life comes to an end…”
Yuhyun reached out.
His hand came to rest over my chest.
Something warm enveloped me. It was a gentle sensation that seemed to cradle not only my body, but everything beyond it, reaching down into the deepest wounds inside me and soothing them.
“You would come to me too. And then I would continue dreaming with you. A brief wait would be nothing.”
“…Yuhyun.”
“If you don’t want to lose me, if you want us to remain together, then we can.”
My brother’s voice was infinitely tender.
“Whatever you want, Hyung.”
Whatever I wanted.
My throat tightened.
“But you, Yuhyun… You must want something too. Between the two choices, there has to be one that you…”
“Either one is fine. Whichever you choose, I will be able to protect you. All I want is for you to make the choice you desire and live happily with it.”
I looked at my brother.
At the tree laden with blossoms.
I filled my eyes with both of them.
“…I…”
My face twisted as though I was about to cry.
Then I smiled.
My brother.
My brothers.
“If I hadn’t met the twenty–six–year–old you… If the twenty–one–year–old you weren’t waiting for me… then I probably never would have been able to let you go.”
How could I have?
Even knowing it was only my lingering attachment, even knowing I shouldn’t do it, I would have held on to him.
I might have said I would rather remain here and sleep beside him.
Even now, the impulse had not disappeared entirely.
But I…
“Having you wait for me as yourself, as Han Yuhyun, and eventually falling asleep together… Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad. But still, one day…”
Everything, one day…
“Everything reaches its end. And then something new begins.”
There were times when no matter how desperately you wanted to cling to someone, no matter how fiercely you wanted to hold them, you could not.
There were moments when you must not.
“Yuhyun. For as long as you are Han Yuhyun, for as long as you are my brother, I will never let you go.”
No matter what happened.
No matter what anyone said.
“I’ll keep remembering you. I’ll keep thinking of you. I’ll keep missing you. So…”
I looked at his pale face again and again.
I burned every detail into my memory so I could call it back with perfect clarity whenever I wanted.
The twenty–one–year–old Yuhyun would grow taller. He would change, at least a little.
That made it all the more important that I never forget even the smallest difference.
“Goodbye.”
I would carry the Han Yuhyun before me within me for the rest of my life.
Because he had existed, the Han Yujin I was now had come into being.
And that Han Yujin would go on living.
The flowers had already bloomed.
The snow had melted.
Winter might return one day, but not now.
“Goodbye, Yuhyun.”
A faint light spread around us.
I opened my arms wide and pulled my brother into them.
Yuhyun smiled.
He was so dazzling it hurt to look at him.
“Goodbye, Hyung.”
His voice began to fade.
So did his face.
At the very end – the true, final end – I said the words I had always wanted to tell him.
“My little brother, Han Yuhyun.”
The child who had come to me and stayed.
The brother who would go on living beside me.
And even the child who would one day come to me again, newly born.
All of them.
“I love you.”
– The End –
–TL Notes–
Hello everyone! This marks the end of S-Class! Hope you all enjoyed reading it!
As for what comes next, I will be translating the side stories, so that’s something to look forward to!
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