When he was little, his parents used to tell him this.
“Always be careful with your words.”
He had only been five years old at the time.
He was far too young to understand everything contained in that brief warning, and the meaning itself had been too difficult for a child to grasp.
Back then, crimes involving children, including kidnappings, had been rampant, so the only interpretation he managed to come up with was that he should ‘be wary of what strangers said.’
He had plenty of questions, but it sounded reasonable enough, so he accepted it without much thought.
That was also the first day he ever told a lie.
***
“Hard to believe it’s already been nine years. We really have been stuck with each other for a long time, haven’t we?”
A man in a suit sat across from him in the small conference room.
He was the president of the publishing company, as well as the man who would be passing judgment on this year’s salary negotiation.
As always, he spoke with a relaxed expression, as though none of this particularly concerned him.
What he really meant by ‘stuck with each other for a long time’ was that he was sick of him.
“Mr. Kim, you know your performance hasn’t been very good lately, right? The projected revenue for the works under your management has fallen considerably, and the authors you’re responsible for don’t have particularly good things to say about you either.”
Ilyong knew they deliberately assigned him writers with poor internal evaluations, either because no one else wanted them or because management wanted to gamble on them without risking anyone they actually valued.
“Your internal evaluations aren’t very favorable either. This is what comes up most often. ‘He works hard, but he’s difficult to get close to.’”
Ilyong knew this was payback for keeping his distance from company factions because getting dragged into office politics could put his livelihood at risk.
“Never using your vacation days, having perfect attendance, and working overtime every night doesn’t automatically make you a good employee. What’s the point of working yourself to death if you don’t produce results? At this rate, those nine years of experience are practically worthless.”
The president knew perfectly well that Ilyong barely had time to rest because all his hours went into taking care of the stories and authors assigned to him.
He said it anyway.
“Mr. Kim, let’s be honest with each other. I know you’ve been here since the early days. You’re one of the original employees who grew alongside this company for the past nine years. But from my position as president, you’re…”
His lips twisted into an expression that could have been a sneer or perhaps something bitter.
Then he finally spat out what he truly thought.
“You’re behind the times. You’re difficult to make use of… No, let me be completely honest. You’re someone I don’t want to use. All I see when I look at you is wasted money. There’s a reason you’ve never managed to earn a managerial title.”
Ex, or rather, Ilyong, knew exactly why the man was saying all this.
They wanted to get rid of an employee whose upkeep had become too expensive.
A so-called voluntary resignation recommendation.
Which meant there was only one thing Ilyong could say.
“Give me one more title.”
“And why should that be enough reason for me to keep you?”
“There’s one recently contracted title that still hasn’t been assigned an editor, isn’t there? I’d like to take responsibility for that one as my last project. Once the story ends, regardless of how it performs, I intend to step away.”
He said exactly what the company wanted to hear, despite having no intention of revealing what he actually thought.
The company wouldn’t want its evaluation damaged by forcing an employee out and risk losing government subsidies.
So he would leave cleanly of his own accord.
In exchange, they would let him work until one final title was completed.
The president understood the unspoken bargain immediately and smiled in satisfaction.
“Then we’ll freeze your salary at its current level. I was originally going to reduce it, but since you’re one of our original employees, I’m being quite generous here.”
Ilyong put on the brightest, stupidest smile he could manage.
“Thank you! I’ll do my absolute best right up until the end!”
What would have happened if he had gotten involved in office politics?
If he had joined everyone else in badmouthing employees who were being unfairly blamed,
if he had turned a blind eye whenever one of the company’s authors caused a scandal,
if he had cared only about promotions and salary raises,
would things have turned out differently?
Unfortunately, he had a family to support.
He couldn’t gamble the certainty of his livelihood on some vague possibility of a better return when losing meant unemployment.
His daughter would be starting high school this year, too.
It had already been three years since they had last had what could honestly be called a proper conversation, but even so, he still had a duty to fulfill as the head of the family.
And so, Ilyong became the editor in charge of ‘Save This Academy,’ written by an author under the pen name ‘Elysia.’
***
“No, what the fuck, Brother Ilyong! They froze your salary?! How the hell does that make any sense?! You’ll have been here ten years next year! You’re one of the original employees, and this is how they treat you?! I swear to God, I’m going downstairs right now and ripping that bastard president’s head off!!”
“Seongtae. If you do that, I’m getting fired.”
“How is this any different from getting fired?!”
During their break, Seongtae, a much younger colleague of Ilyong’s, had completely lost his temper after hearing what happened and was raging on the rooftop as though he were the one who had been screwed over.
“And you’re part of the problem too! Why do you live like such a damn pushover?! No, I get it, okay? I know you’ve got your family to think about! But still! Goddammit, is this why readers are always screaming about wanting ‘Catharsis! Give me catharsis!’? I finally fucking get it!”
“Oh, right. Heard you got promoted to team leader. Take good care of me from now on, Team Leader Lee.”
“You seriously choose now to say that?! What am I supposed to look like after all this?! Ah, fuck me.”
Seongtae crushed the coffee can in his hand and hurled it viciously toward the trash can.
It missed, hit the ground beside it, and bounced around noisily.
“Was it those assholes from Manager Kim’s faction again? They’re the ones who caused that whole shitstorm, then they tried to dump the blame on me, and you stepped in to cover my ass! So now they’re stabbing you in the back because of that, aren’t they?!”
“Stabbing me in the back… They walked right up and stuck the knife straight into my gut.”
Ilyong calmly dropped his own empty coffee can into the trash, then picked up the one Seongtae had thrown and put that in as well.
Seeing that, Seongtae cleared his throat awkwardly before screaming his frustration at the empty sky.
“Those fucking baaaastards! They hog every established writer and every A-rank title for themselves, then toss all the absolute garbage over to us…”
“Hey! Garbage? You’re calling our authors garbage? Gaaaarbage?? How many times have I told you that if you’re going to talk like that, you can go write a novel yourself!”
“O-Okay, okay… I get it. I’ll watch my mouth. You only act like my senior at times like this…”
Their break wasn’t over yet, so the two sat down on a bench and watched the sun slowly sink toward the horizon.
“Oh, …how are your wife and …doing?”
“Hm?”
Ilyong hesitated for a moment at Seongtae’s question.
When no answer came, Seongtae asked again.
“I asked if your wife and daughter are doing okay.”
“Oh. Yeah. Yeah, they’re doing fine.”
“You said you two had a pretty bad fight recently. What happened with that?”
“Well, you know… We worked it out. More or less.”
They had not worked it out.
Their daughter would soon be entering high school, so both of them were merely pretending nothing was wrong for her sake.
More than anything else, Ilyong believed the real problem was himself.
He had spent so much of his life working that he had neglected his family.
That was what he had decided to believe.
Because otherwise, he wouldn’t be able to endure it.
At that short answer, Seongtae furrowed his brow and gave him a suspicious look.
“Yeah, that definitely sounds like you didn’t work anything out.”
“It’s all my fault. I’m the one who needs to put up with it.”
“I’m telling you, this is happening because you two don’t talk enough.”
“We’ve talked plenty, you bastard…”
Seongtae let out a long sigh.
He had spent enough time beside Ilyong to have a rough idea of what the man was feeling.
He also knew Ilyong was the kind of person who wouldn’t change easily, no matter what anyone told him.
Seongtae wanted to repay the man who had helped him so much over the years, but there wasn’t much he could actually do.
So all he could do was make a shameless plea.
“Brother, do me one favor. Just one. I’m seriously begging you. Before you take over that new title, take a proper vacation. A long one. Just take one week off, clear your head, and actually talk to your family.”
“No. I’ll just make things worse if I start poking at old wounds.”
“I’m a team leader now. Want me to use my authority and force you to take a week off?!”
“What fucking authority lets you do that?!”
In the end, Ilyong requested a week of vacation.
It was the first extended leave he had taken in nine years.
***
“What’s gotten into you all of a sudden, asking us to go to an amusement park?”
Ilyong’s wife spoke coldly as she climbed into the passenger seat.
Her expression was noticeably displeased, but the way she deliberately avoided his gaze made it obvious that some small part of her was looking forward to this.
Maybe if he could live up to that expectation, things between them would get a little better.
Silently thanking Seongtae a hundred times over, Ilyong answered.
“Our daughter’s starting high school soon. We should have some fun while we still can. It’s not like the three of us have gone anywhere together very often.”
“Do we even have the money for this?”
“I emptied out my emergency fund, so don’t worry about it. Today and tomorrow, forget about money. We’re just going to have fun.”
“Ooh, is that so~? Sweetie, make sure you get your dad’s card later. We’ll swipe it until it catches fire.”
“…Okay.”
Sitting in the back seat, Ilyong’s daughter barely responded as she chatted with someone on her smartphone.
Every now and then, she glanced at him through the rearview mirror.
For some reason, there was something unsettlingly distant in her eyes.
She looked at him like he was a stranger.
“You both have everything, right? Then we’re leaving.”
Hiding the bitterness in his chest, Ilyong started the car.
The three members of Ilyong’s family sat inside the car on their way to a family outing, yet every one of them awkwardly stared out a window as though this were the first time they had ever done such a thing together.
No one even turned on the radio.
For long stretches, the only sounds inside the car were the engine and the occasional directions from the navigation system.
Even so, Ilyong was the first to break the silence.
“I’m thinking of finding a different job next year.”
Unfortunately, after so long without having normal conversations with his family, the first topic he chose was a rather heavy one.
Both of them turned toward him with startled eyes.
His wife’s first reaction was concern.
“What about your current job?”
“Ten years is a long time. I’m working overtime way too often, and my body’s starting to tell me it can’t keep doing this. I don’t think I can stay in publishing anymore.”
“Do you have a plan? You know we’re going to need more money starting next year. Even if you want to switch jobs, it’s not like you can just quit one day and start somewhere else the next.”
“There’s still time, so I’ll think it through carefully. You don’t need to worry about money. With ten years of severance pay, I should have at least…”
“It’s not like we only need enough to send our daughter to cram school for a few months. If we’re going to prepare for her college tuition too, we need something with a more stable income…”
“I’m quitting cram school.”
The blunt words came from the back seat like a thorn stabbing into their conversation.
Ilyong’s daughter was still fiddling irritably with her smartphone.
“I’m not going anymore. There. Problem solved. I’ll earn my own college tuition too.”
“What did you just say?”
His wife twisted around and glared fiercely into the back seat.
“You think college tuition grows out of the ground? You’re quitting cram school? What, are you saying you’re giving up on studying and just throwing your life away?”
“I’m still going to study. It’s not like the only way to study is by going to cram school. And I’m sick of you two always talking about money because of me. It’s not like I’m some monster that just sits around eating cash…”
“What? You’ve gotten a little older and suddenly you think you can talk like that? Honey, say something to her too!”
“Uh, um…”
Ilyong carefully continued driving while trying to decide what to say.
Finding the right words for his daughter was difficult.
They were about to enter the highway, and there was already too much running through his head.
Still, Ilyong chose what he believed he was supposed to say as her ‘father.’
“What do you mean, a monster? Don’t say that. We do all this because we love you. We send you to cram school because we want you to have every chance to do well.”
“Then why didn’t you come to my middle school graduation?”
Ilyong’s words died in his throat.
His daughter, on the other hand, kept going.
“Is paying for everything how you show love? Then just give me the cash. I’ll take care of everything myself.”
— It’s not like I’m some fucking whore…
The one who finally exploded at those venomous words was his wife sitting beside him.
“What kind of filthy way is that to talk!!!”
“What? Did I say something I’m not allowed to say? Mom, you’re always complaining to me that you barely ever see Dad too. I’ve seen you secretly talking all sweet and cozy with another man behind Dad’s back more than once.”
At the sheer poison in those words, Ilyong suddenly felt as though he were staring into his own childhood.
— Always be careful with your words.
Only then did Ilyong finally understand what those words had meant.
His parents had never been telling him to be careful of what other people said.
They had been warning him to be careful about the words that came out of his own mouth.
Just like his daughter now, spitting vicious words without realizing what they might do.
“W-What are you talking about?”
He had no way of knowing whether her accusation was true, but the words buried themselves deep in his heart regardless, making his hands and feet tremble.
Ilyong’s wife flew into a rage at the absurd accusation and barked an order at him.
“You little…! Honey, pull over right now!!”
He couldn’t.
The navigation system warned him to be cautious of accidents as it announced their current location.
“Wait, we just got onto the highway. Everyone calm down first… We’re supposed to be going out to have fun today. What’s gotten into both of you?”
Ilyong pretended to remain calm.
His daughter was worked up.
She had to be throwing out lies in the heat of the moment.
He knew she couldn’t possibly mean any of this.
“Mr. Kim! Pull over right now! No, turn the car around right now!!”
“Mom, why are you getting so mad? Haven’t you heard that people who deny something that hard are usually guilty?”
No.
Did he really know that?
What if it was true?
What was he supposed to do then?
Should he press the accelerator?
Should he hit the brakes?
His mind was in complete chaos when his daughter suddenly asked him a question.
“Dad, do you really love us?”
The question came out of nowhere, and he couldn’t understand what she was trying to get at.
She continued.
“You really love us? Then do you even know what Mom’s name and my name are?”
HOOOOOOOOONK-!!!!
At that moment, a deafening horn erupted from behind them.
A massive truck slammed violently into Ilyong’s car.
“Dad’s the one who let us die.”
That day, Ilyong lost his wife and daughter.
***
“Gasp…!!!”
When Ex opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was the ceiling of a treatment room that somehow felt familiar.
He clenched and unclenched his hands several times, then pinched himself, checking the sensation and grounding himself in reality. Thankfully, this was real.
‘A dream. Was it a dream? It was just…’
No.
It hadn’t been a dream.
It was a memory.
An anchor buried forever in his soul.
A curse that could never disappear.
A nightmare that rose before his eyes no matter how desperately he tried to turn away from it.
A scar in his memory that surfaced the instant his thoughts fell silent.
Which meant he could never allow himself to stop thinking.
‘How long has it been since then?’
Only after turning his head, checking the calendar in the room, and confirming the date did he fully grasp his current situation.
Today was Friday, April 16.
The sun was setting beyond the window.
‘I survived again.’
A strange trace of disappointment left a bitter taste in his mouth.
‘Soul Killer, was it? They said it was a sword that could destroy the soul.’
Apparently, it hadn’t been nearly as effective as advertised.
His body was perfectly intact, without so much as a scar.
Now he needed to check everything else.
He had to inspect the system, find out what had happened to the Academy, and…
His thoughts raced onward.
It was instinctive.
Perhaps it was nothing more than his survival instinct, desperately fleeing from something that would catch him the moment his thoughts slowed down.
‘Wait…’
This time, however, it caught him.
There was something else he had lost alongside the damage to his soul.
‘Oh, …how are your wife and …doing?’
‘You really love us? Then do you even know what Mom’s name and my name are?’
The names of those two people.
Names he should have remembered every second of every day, names he should never have been able to forget for as long as he existed.
He couldn’t remember his wife’s name.
He couldn’t remember his daughter’s name.
‘N-No. That’s impossible.’
His memory was simply confused.
That had to be all.
If he tried to say their names, they would surely come naturally.
He had spoken those names so many times that they should have been carved into his tongue.
And yet.
— Always be careful with your words.
“…”
He couldn’t say their names.
No.
It wasn’t only their names.
“…”
Every time he tried to say anything at all, no sound came out.
Something vast and immovable seemed to block his voice before it could escape.
“…”
Ex had lost the ability to speak.
–TL Notes–
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