Azwin lay on a bed, covered with a rough blanket provided by the Lemifs. A Tachisel woman Lemif had carefully placed food beside her and left, but Azwin didn’t touch it.
She intended to sleep and wake up early to see Kassel off tomorrow, but she couldn’t sleep. The magic powder Lofin had sprinkled had almost eliminated her pain. When she had been treated with that powder by Meylumil in Camort, her body had felt as light as a feather, but now it felt strangely heavy. Her broken arm still ached.
Though she thought she had said goodbye to Gerald by cremating him, the heavy weight in her heart remained.
Someone opened the door and entered. Azwin ignored whoever it was. But the Lemif came closer and sat beside her. It was Sermei.
“Azwin.”
“Sermei. Ah, are you okay? You’ve been through so much.”
Sermei just looked at Azwin silently, her face filled with concern.
Azwin patted her hair.
“Are you here to comfort me, Sermei? It’s okay. I won’t cry over something like this. If I cry, what would become of the honor of the one who died for me? I have to live bravely…”
Sermei put her finger on Azwin’s lips and then pointed to her own forehead. She then pointed to Azwin’s forehead again. Azwin couldn’t refuse her persistent gesture and agreed. Sermei moved closer and touched her forehead to Azwin’s. Then their communication began again.
“Azwin, you’re in so much pain right now. I couldn’t just watch and do nothing.”
Sermei said, her distress greater than Azwin’s.
Azwin replied with a smile.
“Do I look like I’m in pain to the Lemifs? He told me not to cry. I’m holding back a bit, but it’s not unbearable. Sermei, if we talk like this, I won’t be able to focus. When I wake up, I’ll forget. If you’re trying to comfort me, it’s okay.”
“Azwin, you’ve got it wrong. I wanted to tell you about the inconsistencies between Gerald’s memories and yours. I haven’t had the chance because we’ve been constantly on the move. We’ve had so little time to talk. I thought about it a lot. You’re already in enough pain, so I thought I shouldn’t tell you. But then I felt I had to tell you precisely because of this.”
“What is it? Time is passing. If I don’t sleep soon, I won’t be able to see the Captain off tomorrow. Tell me quickly.”
“It’s not words. I want to ‘show’ you your memories.”
“Why do I need to see my memories through you?”
“You need to see them!”
Azwin laughed at her stubbornness.
“Alright, now I get it. You want to show me Gerald’s memories to comfort me? It won’t change anything just by seeing a memory of him…!”
Sermei hastily pushed Azwin’s consciousness outward.
Azwin’s memories began to flash back in fragments. Everything moved so fast it was hard to distinguish anything.
Gerald stood bleeding in Tachisel. He said something to Azwin as he died, but she still couldn’t understand what he said. She wanted to ask Sermei to show it again, to see his lip movements, but the memory shifted again.
He was fighting Nathan. Even now, the vivid memory of that intense battle left a strong impression.
‘Wait for me, I will come to save you.’
His voice from the Hapu echoed like a lingering memory.
The time spent with him in the cave was too happy to let go like this. If she couldn’t have such moments forever… at least if she had them earlier, would things have been different?
Would she have had fewer regrets?
Or would the pain have been deeper?
‘You might not remember, but when you first told me you liked me, I was already convinced. After that, you never seriously said it again, so I pretended not to notice.’
He had said that.
So this isn’t my fault. Right, Gerry? But when was the first time I told him I liked him?
‘Well, your memory is pretty poor. You don’t even recognize people you’ve met.’
His words from their time wandering in the Sky Mountains suddenly surfaced.
Now they were meeting Kassel in Camort. The knight’s oath made before Kassel was still valid. He was everyone’s Captain.
The memories shifted back to Aranthia. It was her first practice as a White Wolf. He had joked to her then.
‘I liked you first.’
Azwin always resisted those words.
‘I liked you first!’
‘Oh? Do you remember?’
‘Huh? What?’
Conversations between the two always passed like jokes, so it was impossible to remember such trivial things. Azwin thought Sermei was trying to show her something.
When she passed the first test of the Wolf Knights, the first person she met was Gerald.
‘What’s your name? I’m Azwin.’
At that time, Gerald looked at Azwin with a rather pleased expression.
‘I’m Gerald. Everyone calls me Gerald the Fire Mercenary.’
She had never heard that name before. Azwin tried to consciously forget the people she met during her mercenary life. She couldn’t remember when she started thinking that way, but it was easier that way.
‘Those who get called out without swinging a weapon should quietly go back to their country and finish what they were doing. Otherwise, you’ll taste my fire axe.’
Azwin burst into laughter at his words.
‘Is it funny?’
Gerald asked as if questioning.
‘Don’t you think the term “fire axe” is funny? Didn’t you say it to make people laugh?’
Gerald also laughed.
‘You’re right. At first, it was a nickname meant to be funny, but so many people have died to my fire axe that it became a synonym for fear.’
That was how she first met Gerald. From then on, Azwin liked him and always looked for him at the training ground. Gerald was always within her sight, and whenever their eyes met, he was the first to raise his hand.
A friend too precious to ruin with the fickle emotion of love. That’s why Gerald didn’t approach her, and Azwin didn’t try to pull him closer.
That was the answer.
She felt a little more at ease.
Sermei, you wanted to show me this.
Yes. Maybe I also…
Sermei’s method of conveying consciousness was so forceful that it even blocked Azwin’s language. Sermei almost forcibly pushed Azwin’s consciousness out of her reminiscing memories. Her memories went beyond the first test to her mercenary life.
The men she met randomly, pretending to like them to gauge their feelings, the men she liked a lot at times, and less at other times, all flowed back into her memory. Those memories gave her only pain as she recalled Gerald.
Stop it, Sermei! That’s enough.
I don’t need comfort, and I certainly don’t need torment.
What are you doing?
But the images of the memories Sermei showed slowed down. Azwin could recall them well enough to understand each voice. She felt overwhelmed by the weight of her memories.
Azwin stood alone on the plain, holding a blood-stained sword and wearing a helmet. It was the last moment with the mercenary group she first joined at the age of twenty after completing Lofin’s teachings. She met Deckmil, whom she could call her first love, and Deckmil died. But her memory didn’t go that far. The endpoint of the memory Sermei was trying to show was right there.
…Sermei, what are you trying to show me?
Stop it now.
I don’t want to see it.
Azwin’s mercenary group encountered another group hired by the enemy and was defeated. Azwin fought at the forefront and killed many enemies but was eventually surrounded. A man in a black helmet, who seemed to be the enemy leader, stepped forward and spoke.
“You fight well, but why don’t you give up?”
Azwin, using her unyielding youth and recklessness as her weapon, said.
“If I surrender, will you spare me?”
The enemy mercenaries, who hadn’t seen her face because of her round helmet, were all surprised when she spoke. They had all thought she was a slender man because of her swordsmanship.
The mercenary leader gave an order.
“Take off your helmet.”
“I don’t want to! You won’t take yours off either!”
“You’ve already lost. If you do as I say, I’ll spare you.”
Azwin hesitated a bit and then took off her helmet. Many mercenaries ogled at her appearance. Although she liked men, such stares really disgusted her.
The mercenary leader smiled and said.
“Alright. If you spend one night with me, I’ll let you go.”
Azwin wasn’t confident enough in her skills to say she would fight to the death here. She thought it was better to avoid confrontation now and fight later. Even if that failed, trading her life for a night’s rest, even if it was her first experience, wasn’t a bad deal.
“One night is enough?”
She thought about it.
“Yes.”
Other mercenaries jeered and shouted that it was cowardly, but the leader told them to shut up.
“Then it’s settled.”
Azwin said.
They approached, tied Azwin’s arms, and dragged her to their camp for half a day. They tied her up in a tent and left her there until nightfall. In the darkness, with not even a single candle, she struggled to free herself from the ropes. However, the ropes tied by these experienced mercenaries didn’t budge no matter how much she groaned.
“Stop it. It’s useless.”
The mercenary leader entered, pushing aside the tent’s swaying curtain. He lit a small candle and placed it in front of Azwin, then lay down on the bed in the dark, preparing to sleep.
Azwin, surprised, asked.
“Hey, aren’t you… going to touch me?”
“I said just one night. Sleep there. I’ll let you go tomorrow.”
Azwin tilted her head.
“Is that what you meant by sleeping?”
“What else did you expect? I don’t like playing with prisoners we’ve captured. My friends know that. We’re not like your weird mercenary group.”
Because of her group’s notorious reputation, Azwin couldn’t even make an excuse. She thought all mercenaries were like that, so his actions were unexpected.
“I misunderstood. Sorry.”
When Azwin apologized, he got up with a rustle.
“Shut up! Do you know how many of my comrades you killed? Do you think selling your body once can wash away that blood? Don’t act high and mighty.”
Azwin couldn’t say a word in response. It was rather fortunate that she couldn’t see his angry face in the dark. The dim candlelight hid his reddened face.
“It’s not like I can do anything about it anyway. Kill me if you want.”
Azwin spoke irritably as usual.
“Yeah. An apology won’t fix anything, and killing you won’t either.”
He approached and untied Azwin’s ropes. In the brief candlelight, his face looked surprisingly young. He returned to the bed and sat down, hiding his face again.
“There’s a basin with water over there. Wash up and sleep next to me.”
Azwin, rubbing her tied wrists, asked.
“Don’t you think I’m dangerous?”
“You’re skilled, but not enough to kill me with your bare hands.”
“You sound confident.”
“Shut up.”
He lay down and fell asleep. Azwin washed quietly with the water and dried herself with a towel hanging nearby. She cautiously approached and touched his shoulder.
“What?”
He asked in a sleepy voice.
“Could this be… my way of repaying you for sparing my life?”
The red glow of the campfire outside faintly illuminated his face. He gripped her hand tightly.
“If you want to, just say so!”
Azwin flinched and pulled back, but he didn’t let go. His pressing voice frightened her, someone who wasn’t afraid of anyone but her teacher.
“If not, then forget it. I’m not so desperate as to force myself on a woman who doesn’t like me.”
“Well, I don’t know about that… but I think I’m starting to like you!”
Azwin silently cheered, feeling triumphant for finally making him flustered.
‘Yes!’
He hesitated for a long time, but once he hugged her, he didn’t waver.
The night passed too quickly.
“Leave before dawn.”
He said, holding Azwin quietly from behind, who couldn’t sleep.
“Uh… why?”
Azwin asked, confused.
“Just go. I have my own goals. Until I achieve them… I don’t want to fall for anyone. But after just one night, I think I’m falling for you. I think I might like you. So leave.”
Azwin squeezed her eyes shut but replied as if nothing was wrong.
“Right. I have my own goals too. Until then, I don’t plan on falling in love either.”
“What goal?”
“Wolf Knights!”
“Do you think that’s possible with your skills?”
“Is that how you usually talk? In times like this, you’re supposed to lighten the mood with a joke! You’re too stiff.”
Azwin continued irritably.
“Enough! I’ve lost interest in you too, so don’t bother. Tonight was just a one-time fling. Just the first of many amusements I’ll experience. That’s all. And it was particularly terrible for a start.”
He patted Azwin’s head and said,
“Okay, okay. I’m sorry about that. If we ever meet again, I’ll do better.”
His voice, pretending not to know, was like a teacher gently overlooking Azwin’s bluster. And true to her word, she dressed and left without looking back at him lying in bed, knowing that if she saw his face, she wouldn’t be able to leave.
“Where to now?”
Azwin inhaled the chilly dawn air and glanced back at the mercenaries’ camp. Someone was standing there. She recognized his silhouette immediately. Bringing her hands to her mouth, she shouted loudly.
“You’ll regret this for the rest of your life, you fool!”
Whether he heard her or not, he waved foolishly.
The young mercenary leader was sitting against her back when she collapsed in Camort. After taking down all twelve Thorn Knights turned Death Knights, Azwin spoke to him, slumped in exhaustion.
“It’s okay. You’ll take care of me for the rest of your life, right? Do you remember the promise you made? That I wouldn’t die before you?”
The unseen mercenary leader laughed softly, his voice gentler than before.
“You believe that? I’m touched that you do.”
As her consciousness faded, Azwin weakly called his name and asked,
“Gerry, I’m curious, what’s your fang?”
“My fang? Well…”
He spoke so softly it was almost inaudible. Azwin said the same thing then. But they didn’t hear each other’s words.
Sermey’s magic made his words audible.
“When you’re watching over me.”
Then the mercenary leader’s image, which had disappeared, suddenly loomed large. The man who had always watched her back was now in front of her, bleeding profusely, kneeling.
The image of him cutting her ropes in the tent and kneeling with the sun behind him strangely matched.
That place was the square of Tachisel, littered with the bodies of Mozes.
Azwin’s throat tightened.
‘No, Sermey. Don’t show me.’
Azwin was scared.
‘I don’t want to see.’
The young mercenary who had said if she wanted, just say so, now had a beard and had grown older. His voice had become much cheerier, and he smiled much more than back then.
The mercenary leader who had hugged her warmly on the bed now spoke only with his struggling lips. She could now clearly recognize the mouth movements she hadn’t noticed before. She even seemed to hear the sound.
‘Don’t cry, Azwin.’
Azwin burst into tears. Tears she hadn’t shed when Gerald died flowed uncontrollably. She couldn’t follow his command not to cry.
Those were his last words to her.
‘There was so much I wanted to do for you… I’m sorry.’
“Ah!”
Azwin cried out and hugged Sermey.
Though her memory cut off, his voice still lingered. Sermey silently held her. Azwin sobbed.
“He knew. He watched over me for years, hiding his presence. Waiting for me to remember. Even though I didn’t recognize him, he waited. That coward! That bastard.”
Azwin cried loudly. Morning had already come, and sunlight streamed through the window, illuminating the room. The sunlight was so piercing she couldn’t stop her tears.
Lofin, who had come to comfort Azwin, quietly waited at the door. He could hear her sobbing voice.
“I miss you, Gerry…”
–TL Notes–
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