‘The Great Bridge’.
As its name suggests, this wide bridge is the only path connecting Zone 10 and Zone 9 of the Lake Kingdom Dungeon.
Zone 10, the deepest part of the dungeon, was originally the residence of the Lake Kingdom’s royal family.
That’s why they dug a moat around it, making it distinct from other parts of the kingdom.
Originally, it was a place heavily guarded by the kingdom’s soldiers. But that was before the Lake Kingdom became what it is now.
After turning into a dungeon, the dry riverbed merely supported a long, simple bridge.
“Hey there!”
“Hey, pretty ones~! Why don’t you stop for us?”
Shadows blocked our path as we tried to cross the bridge.
“We’ve claimed this bridge.”
“If you want to pass, you’ll have to pay up. Keke.”
Blocking our way were a male and female duo of thieves.
Both had wildly unkempt white hair, making it difficult to see their faces clearly. The man’s overgrown beard made him appear even more disheveled.
The man wielded a rusty, chipped sword, and the woman, a halberd broken in half.
“…”
I was momentarily at a loss for words.
The familiar stench of robbery reminded me of Kuilan and his gang. They too had tried to extort money from me.
Kuilan and his followers, initially raggedy when they first attacked me, were one thing, but these two were on another level.
Even from a distance, their stench was overwhelming. The eyes visible through their long eyebrows and hair were bloodshot red, and their yellow teeth were sparsely arranged.
Two mad beggars attempting robbery…
‘With such distinctive appearances, they can’t go unrecognized.’
I broke out in a cold sweat as I identified them.
One of the worst hostile NPC groups one could encounter in the game.
The two-person robber gang — ‘Desperation Homeward Band’.
‘Meeting of those yearning for home after being stranded’ – might be the literal meaning, but players simply called them ‘Damn Doomed Band’ because they were such a nuisance.
They randomly appeared inside the dungeon, always picking a fight regardless of our numbers. The pretexts varied, but the outcome was always the same.
“Don’t be so scared, we’re reasonable people~ We do fair business.”
“So, just hand over half of your total wealth and be on your way.”
Half of my total wealth!
But in the game, the judgment was absurd – it took half the wealth not of the character encountered, but of the player’s assets in the city, leading to a disastrous outcome.
I was just trying to clear the dungeon! And suddenly, this duo of NPC thieves starts a fight and takes half of my assets in the city! What kind of nonsense is that!
But overpowering them wasn’t easy, as the combat strength of this duo was ridiculously high.
A mediocre party would likely face total annihilation. Even an elite party might suffer severe injuries or, worse, lose a carefully nurtured character.
Being robbed of half your assets or having your party decimated by an NPC encountered in a random encounter.
This was one of the worst NPC events in the game, a dreadful either-or situation.
‘But this isn’t a game; this is reality…’
Half of what I have now?
I’d gladly give it away. After all, I’m penniless right now. I quickly rummaged through my pockets.
“Mason, Salome. Open your pockets too. Let’s just give them what we have and leave.”
“Understood…”
“Eh? Really? I mean, I’m a legion commander, and now I’m getting robbed by highway thieves?”
In front of a sword, what use is being a legion commander or an emperor? Preserving life is the priority. We have nothing to lose anyway, so let’s just get robbed and move on.
Mason was the first to empty his pockets(?).
Clatter!
Only a jumble of animal fur flew out in all directions.
This guy, having visited the Demon Kings’s lair, seems to have already been robbed of his possessions.
“…”
“…”
The two highway robbers narrowed their eyes at Mason, who clearly had nothing. I quickly gestured to Salome.
“Salome.”
“Uh-huh…”
Salome earnestly rummaged through her pockets.
But it looked like she too hadn’t brought any actual valuables… Only the fruits she had stolen yesterday kept pouring out of her bag and pockets.
Salome awkwardly held up a fruit and gave an uncomfortable smile.
“The fruits are delicious!”
“…”
Well, they are tasty, but…
As soon as it became clear that both of them were penniless, the robbers turned their eager eyes on me.
Feeling the pressure of such expectant stares, I too diligently emptied my possessions.
But.
My inventory.
It’s not working?
“…”
All I had on me was a bottle of water I had scooped up from a fountain on the way.
The two highway robbers searched us physically, incredulous. But, well, they can’t rob what we don’t have. Only dust flew around.
The robbers looked at each other, shaking their heads.
“Never seen beggars worse off than us.”
“And in such a high-level dungeon, with no proper weapons, how do you even survive? How have you not died yet?”
I scratched the back of my head.
“Well, I happened to be stranded…”
I woke up in Zone 10, you see. So now I have to work my way back up to escape the dungeon. Right now, I’m broke.
…That’s what I intended to explain, but the robbers reacted first to the word ‘stranded’, their eyes burning red.
“Really?! You see, we too were stranded!”
“We didn’t always live like this. But we got caught up in the damn collapse of the Lake Kingdom, damn it!”
“Seeing young folks like you crawling around this dungeon penniless, it doesn’t feel like someone else’s problem…”
“Yeah. Since it’s fate, why don’t you join our Desperation Homeward Band?!”
Well, there’s a first for everything – being invited to join a gang of robbers.
But thankfully, it seemed we could pass without conflict. I was about to politely decline their offer when it happened.
Trudge! Trudge! Trudge!
Footsteps echoed from the other side of the bridge. Looking over, I saw a group of about ten shadows approaching through the mist.
I broke out in a cold sweat.
Why are there so many Roamers today? In such a high-level dungeon, the likelihood of these wanderers being friendly is incredibly low…
But unlike my panic, the two highway robbers were thrilled.
“Oh my, what’s this! We’ve only had flies buzzing around these past few days, and now suddenly it’s bustling with guests! Honey!”
“Got it, don’t worry! I’ve got a knack for welcoming guests!”
The male robber excitedly hopped towards the other end of the bridge and bellowed.
“Hey, you fuckers! Stop right there-!”
What a way to greet guests…
I watched, mouth agape at his remarkable ‘welcoming’ skills, but the robber continued.
“We’ve seized this bridge! If you want to pass, you’ll have to pay up!”
“…”
However, the newcomers didn’t stop, approaching us slowly.
“My country has long been submerged in darkness and overrun by monsters, but now, even this Great Bridge has robbers?”
The leader of the group muttered somberly.
“A deplorable state of affairs indeed.”
Wait a minute.
This distinctive deep voice, the white smiling mask, and the jester’s attire…
It was someone I knew well. I called out his name.
“Crown…?”
“Hm? Ash?”
Indeed, it was ‘The Pied Piper’, Crown, one of Lake Kingdom’s hostile NPCs, and his faction — the self-proclaimed last remnants of the Lake Kingdom, the ‘Nightcrawlers.’
All of them wore their characteristic white smiling masks. Long time no see.
Crown was unmistakably taken aback by my sudden appearance. Even under his smiling mask, it was evident he was blinking in surprise.
“And Salome too?”
“Hi, Crown!”
Salome waved cheerfully at Crown. They seemed to know each other.
“Why are you all together… and with those robbers, here of all places?”
Crown’s voice was full of disbelief.
Well, it was a situation beyond my control… Can you stop looking at me like I’m crazy?
“…Well, whatever.”
After a short sigh, Crown pointed to Mason beside me.
“That half-beast there. We’ve been searching the area for him.”
He was referring to Mason.
“He attacked and fled from the demon guards in front of the royal palace. Not that I care whether the demon guards live or die, but shedding blood in front of the palace is a grave offense.”
“…”
“Hand him over immediately. He must be summarily judged and reported to the King of Kings.”
I turned to look at Mason. Still enchanted by Salome, he was in a daze.
Suddenly, memories of my time with Mason came flooding back. All the moments we shared…
…
…I don’t have any good memories with this guy?
No, only bad ones, right?
I was ready to hand Mason over to Crown. Take him! We don’t really need him! And make sure you hurt him a lot when you kill him!
However, the two highway robbers blocked Crown’s path.
“Hey! Have your eyes gone bad lurking in the dark?! Don’t you see us?!”
“Who are you to snatch away our guests, you double-crossing bastard!”
“What, what did you say?”
“Even in the depths of hell, shouldn’t there be some decency among those struggling to survive, some decency!”
“You, if you keep this up, you’ll die and go to hell, to hell!”
…This kind of conversation is happening in the heart of hell.
Crown, bewildered, shook his head and then flicked his hand.
Immediately, his ten or so Nightcrawler subordinates prepared for battle.
The two highway robbers also raised their weapons, unfazed by the odds.
“Oh-ho, showing your true colors, brazen thieves! Thought you could overpower us with numbers, eh? Big mistake!”
“We may be old, but we have the advantage on this bridge! Know why?”
“Because we are an ‘old bridge’?”
“Exactly! Keke, honey, do you know what my favorite kind of money is?”
“What?”
“It’s ‘grandmoney’! That means you, my dear!”
“You old fool, what nonsense!” (TL Note: I will explain it at the end of the chapter. It’s basically just puns, but they can’t be translated for obvious reasons.)
…They really seem crazy.
Their sense of humor is as hellish as this situation. It’s baffling to hear jokes in such a context, and the jokes themselves are even more absurd. Even in the 80s, people wouldn’t crack jokes like these…
‘Does staying too long in such a high-level dungeon drive you mad like this?’
Unable to keep up with the two robbers’ banter, I looked away, only to see,
“…”
Crown, desperately trying to hold back laughter.
In this crazy world, why are you laughing at such a pun, Crown! Aren’t you a court jester? Is this the level of court humor?! I’m disappointed in you, Crown!
“…”
Then I saw Mason, who was still under the charm spell, trembling and trying to hold back laughter. Do you find that funny too?! Am I the weird one here?!
Salome, who had been blankly standing behind us, tilted her head in confusion.
“What does that mean…? I don’t get it.”
“You don’t need to understand. Just stay quiet.”
Forget the dad jokes, at that moment, the Nightcrawler squad and the two highway robbers were facing off against each other.
Shrrrrrr!
Suddenly, a disturbance arose behind us.
Flies and rats, crows and bugs…
All sorts of grotesque and dark creatures appeared from all around, swarming and coalescing.
They took on humanoid forms, and eventually merged into a tall man.
A black coat and top hat, and a white crow mask with a long beak, like a medieval plague doctor.
The Legion Commander of the Plague Legion, Raven, had revealed himself here.
“Hmm…”
Raven growled fiercely in his characteristic deep voice.
“So it was you who stole my fruits, Salome.”
Ah.
The owner of the farm cultivating those fruits was you, Raven?
Salome, who had just taken out fruits from her pocket and laid them around her, was caught red-handed…!
“Hic!”
Salome, starting to hiccup, hastily spoke up.
“Wait, Raven! I’ll pay you back later! Just…”
“Your life will be the price! I’ll take you to my farm right away and use you as a field for my new plague-”
“Who the hell is this?!”
The male highway robber dashed like lightning and swung his sword down.
Whoosh-!
Raven’s body was split in two.
Of course, the sliced part immediately filled back with insects and crows, but Raven retreated in surprise.
“What is this…?!”
“It’s hard enough to make a living, and now this shit! They’re running amok in our workspace! You bastards, you’re messing with the wrong guy!”
Flash!
Now the female highway robber, who had been facing off against the Nightcrawlers, swung her halberd fiercely.
A huge gash appeared on the bridge. The Nightcrawler squad, panicked, quickly retreated.
“My eyes are bloodshot too!”
“We caught these guests first!”
“So, whether we roast or boil them is our business!”
The two highway robbers, each facing Raven and the Nightcrawler squad, brandished their weapons and shouted simultaneously.
“Get the hell out of here!”
And so.
With us in the middle of the bridge, on either side stood the mad highway robbers, and at each end of the bridge were Raven and the Nightcrawler squad, each facing off against each other.
Salome, awkwardly smiling as she hurriedly picked up and pocketed the fruits, said,
“We’re really popular, aren’t we?”
“…”
No, I don’t need this kind of popularity…
–TL Notes–
The joke is a play on words in Korean, involving puns and homophones that are specific to the language. I will try to explain the best I can.
“우리가 구닥‘다리’니까?” — The word “구닥다리” in Korean means “outdated” or “old-fashioned,” but it can be literally broken down into “구닥” (old) and “다리” (bridge). The joke is that they are old (“구닥”) and on a bridge (“다리”), making them “구닥다리” in a literal and figurative sense.
“바로 할‘머니’! 당신이지!” — The word “할머니” means “grandmother” in Korean. However, in this context, it’s being used as a pun for “the money I like the most” (할 ‘돈’). The joke is that the word for “grandmother” sounds like “the money” (할 ‘돈’), and he’s playfully saying that his favorite “money” is his wife, the grandmother.
These are not your tipical dad jokes, they are your grandad’s jokes.
Hope you enjoyed this chapter. If you want to support me or give me feedback, you can do it at patreon.com/MattReading
–TL Notes–
Hope you enjoyed this chapter. If you want to support me or give me feedback, you can do it at patreon.com/MattReading
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