Baam-pa-baam—Baam-pa-baam-baam—
A boisterous march echoed throughout the area.
The military band under the command of the Troll King was playing instruments like drums, gongs, and trumpets, announcing the arrival of the king with an impressive march.
‘…’
What, am I in some kind of Aladdin scenario?
I couldn’t help but gape at the absurdly noisy entrance.
Eventually, the advancing troll army settled in a clearing to the south of our forward base.
Donning a jeweled turban and sitting on a magic carpet, the gigantic Troll—the ‘Troll King’—surveyed our fortifications before gesturing to his side.
Then, a smaller troll scurried out and bellowed towards us.
“Listen up, surface-dwelling humans!”
Surprisingly fluent human speech erupted from its mouth.
“Pay homage to the great conqueror, the nomadic executioner, and the living muscle! The chieftain of the Rock Troll tribe and the king of all trolls, Lord Tradyunumahatran!”
Evangeline mumbled.
“Quite the name…”
“Indeed…”
Regardless of what we thought, the Troll King’s emissary continued.
“His Excellency Tradyunumahatran does not wish for war! Simply surrender and open your castle gates! Then…”
Then what?
The troll envoy scanned the walls and ominously declared,
“The beautiful ones will be taken as concubines; the ugly ones will be killed on sight.”
A panicked Evangeline wrapped her arms around herself.
“Oh my God, what do we do? I think that troll is targeting me!”
The troll envoy suddenly roared,
“We have no need for something as ugly as you!”
“Eeeek!”
Evangeline collapsed, vomiting blood.
As she lay there, she tearfully mumbled,
“To, to, to be called ugly… by a troll…”
“Ca, calm down, Evangeline. They’re a different species; their beauty standards are different.”
“It must be because of the bone armor… It’s definitely the bone armor…”
While we were having this conversation, the Troll King’s envoy continued to speak.
“True beauty is born of muscle! Such frail bodies are despised by our king!”
Huh, where have I heard that philosophy before?
“Among you, the one worthy of our king’s affection is…”
The Troll King’s emissary stretched out his arm and pointed at Kuilan atop the wall.
“Just about him.”
“Eh?”
Kuilan pointed to himself with trembling hands.
“Me, me…?”
For reference, Kuilan was currently in his beastman form. His muscles were much more bulging than usual, and he was rather furry…
With what seemed to be a touched voice, Kuilan mumbled,
“You’re the first to say you like my wolf form…”
“No, don’t get carried away.”
They’re not even human! Don’t get swayed by their trolling!
While we were in disarray, the Troll King’s envoy continued.
“By the way, our king is female! Of course, she does like beautiful women, but she prefers handsome men a bit more!”
At that moment, the Troll King on the carpet nodded vigorously.
Ah, so she is female. To be honest, it’s hard to tell their gender just by looking.
The gender of a troll can be identified by their tails: males have one tail, while females have split tails, two or more.
Upon closer inspection, the Troll King’s swaying tail was indeed branched into multiple strands. Alright, so you are a female…
“Hmm?”
At that moment, my eyes met with the Troll King’s.
Her piercing gaze seemed to scan me from head to toe, giving me goosebumps all over. No, what is this! Why is she looking at me like that?
The Troll King gestured to her envoy and whispered something in his ear. The envoy, who had nodded quickly, cleared his throat.
“Hey, dark-haired human male! You’re in luck!”
“Huh?”
I blurted out, taken aback.
“The King has taken a liking to you! Says you’ve got a promising build!”
What the hell is this nonsense?
“Surrender now, and a place beside the King is guaranteed! Our Troll King herself will treat you kindly! Consider it an honor!”
Right after that, the Troll King who had been eyeing me grinned and winked.
My party members who saw this all let out a collective “Oooh~”. What’s cheering gonna do?
“Aren’t you explosively popular lately, Your Highness?”
“Indeed… Especially favored by monsters, it seems.”
Damien and Junior chimed in. Shut up! My dignity is at risk here!
“Sigh…”
Exhaling a weary sigh, I signaled to Damien.
“Damien, convey my response for me.”
“Of course, Your Highness.”
Damien grinned as he drew his magic gun.
“Now, will you surrender and beg for the King’s mercy—”
Before the messenger could finish, following my signal, Damien aimed his magic gun and pulled the trigger.
Bang-!
“What the?!”
A magical bullet drilled right through the middle of his body.
Instantly, the Troll King’s messenger spilled blood everywhere and convulsed grotesquely.
“…Hehe.”
The Troll King laughed, as if she had been waiting for this all along.
After flipping her off, I shouted, “I have nothing to give you, monster! Not even the fairest Kuilan or the ugliest Evangeline! None of my comrades are up for grabs!”
Kuilan looked at me with twinkling eyes, hands clasped over his chest (ugh, stop it), while Evangeline licked her blade with a sly grin. It’s a joke, a joke!
“What I do have to give you is…”
I raised my hand high.
My well-trained army immediately lit the cannons and pulled back the ballistae.
“Nothing but fire and death-!”
With my forward gesture,
Boom! Boom! Boom-!
Hundreds of cannonballs and a barrage of arrows rained down on the horde of monsters.
***
The Troll King had one defining feature.
She was sturdy.
Just as her race naturally was, she was simply, purely sturdy.
But when that sturdiness crossed a line, it itself became a weapon.
Boom! Boom! Boom…!
Amid the fierce crossfire of our forces, while other subordinate trolls had already fallen, reduced to bones,
Stomp.
Stomp.
Stomp.
The Troll King walked on, unfazed.
The gigantic arrows from our ballistae couldn’t even make a dent in her skin, nor could the explosions and flames from our cannonballs inflict any effective damage.
Even if by chance we wounded her in one area,
Bubbling…
Flash!
Regeneration.
The wounded area of her skin bubbled and moved as if boiling, quickly healing.
“Well then, let’s show off some real power, shall we-!”
Junior’s hands floated in the air, gathering wind and lightning, and then shot it forward with immense force.
Boom!
A devastating tempest of lightning swept the area, and the Troll Royal Guards protecting the Troll King until the end literally melted away.
However,
Stomp. Stomp. Stomp.
Still, the Troll King walked on.
Her charred organs regenerated, and the flesh and bone cut by the blades of the wind fused back together.
“Wh-what is that?”
A shocked Junior opened her mouth wide. That’s when Damien aimed his magic gun and said,
“I’ll aim for the weak spot!”
Drawing [Hunter’s Retribution], Damien performed a smooth, clean triple shot. Bang! Bang! Bang-!
The three magical bullets pierced through the Troll King’s head and shattered its heart to pieces.
But then.
Bubble…bubble…
Swish!
Both the pulverized brain and the tattered heart instantly regenerated.
Damien leapt back in astonishment.
“Whaaat?! It regenerates its brain and heart?!”
“Step aside, kiddos!”
This time, Dusk Bringar stepped forward.
“Best to obliterate creatures like this all at once!”
The Dragon Queen’s tiny mouth opened wide, and a sphere of magical power formed between her sharp, shark-like teeth.
“Um… uh…”
Dusk Bringar trembled momentarily and then—
“Phoooeey!”
She unleashed Dragon Breath!
While the activation seemed more like a harmless sneeze than a majestic event, the torrent of pure magic power that erupted from the Dragon Queen’s mouth obliterated everything it touched.
Ka-booom!
Direct hit on the Troll King.
A tremendous explosion of magical power erupted. Dusk Bringar brushed her nose with a flick of her fingers and shrugged her shoulders.
“Well, that should do i— Huh?”
A confused expression clouded Dusk Bringar’s triumphant face.
Understandably so. Amidst the smoky aftermath of the magical explosion—
Step. Step. Step.
The Troll King just kept coming, like some kind of Terminator.
Its upper body had been blown to smithereens, but the Troll King was still able to move its lower half.
Spinal bones sprouted, blood vessels and muscles regenerated, and flesh reattached. The monster had restored its upper body in no time.
“Kyahaha!”
The Troll King laughed, its freshly regenerated jaw wide open. Dusk Bringar’s small mouth gaped.
“Is this the same troll I know? I thought they were just potion ingredients…”
Normally, that would be correct. This one was an exceptional case.
The item you could obtain by killing troll armies, [Troll Army’s Blood], was also an ingredient for top-grade potions.
In other words, their blood itself was a powerful healing tool, and this Troll King was the epitome of all troll regenerative capabilities.
I sighed and touched my forehead.
‘In the game, it had a constant 999% HP regeneration per second.’
999%!
Fucking hell, 999%!
Just by breathing, it would recover 9.99 times its total HP per second. Was this even a reasonable figure? Isn’t this a bug?
So, in the game, while the troll army itself wasn’t too difficult to deal with, if this Troll King showed up as the boss, you might as well consider that game session doomed.
The Troll King’s other stats were average. Weak attacks, couldn’t use magic, no special skills or gimmicks.
But.
You just couldn’t kill it!
Due to its staggering physical/magical defenses and insane HP regeneration, it became virtually invincible.
No matter how much we hit it, it didn’t die. Meanwhile, it kept coming, landing non-damaging punches on us.
And what happens then?
We die.
Supplies, healing magic, potions, artifacts—everything is finite. But this fucker’s regeneration is infinite.
Even if the damage is minimal, it accumulates over time. The Troll King takes down our castle gates, walls, and our heroes with single-digit damage.
Literally, a spoon killer…!
‘I encountered it just once in the game.’
Out of 742 attempts, I had run into it only once.
The viewers advised me to just give up and start a new game. They told me, ‘When you encounter Trolling, surrendering is just good manners.’
But I had invested so much time into the game, I gritted my teeth and thought, ‘Let’s see who wins this,’ as I went all out to defeat the monster.
The time I spent on the Troll King raid? A whole week in real-world time.
Number of turns used: 9999. Filled up the game’s maximum turn limit.
So what happened?
During the 9999 turns, the Troll King obliterated the fortress with just a flick of his nose, annihilating half of my allied heroes.
However, because I held out until the turn limit, the game ruled it a defensive win.
The Troll King retreated. I screamed that I had won and the viewers cheered for a human victory.
…Although the fortress, heroes, and resources were all devastated, causing my annihilation in the next stage.
The same viewers who had just been cheering ‘Human victory!’ quickly switched to mocking me with shouts of ‘Human defeat!’ ‘Virtuous defeat!’ ‘All hail Troll King’ ‘Tazdingo~’. The memory is still vivid…
‘Anyway!’
I widened my eyes.
Ever since that humiliating defeat, I had been pondering how to capture this insane tank unit. Because if I encounter it again, I had to capture it.
I hadn’t run into it again during my strategy broadcasts, but the tactics I’d formulated back then were still in my head.
‘I’ll pay you back for that day’s humiliation, Troll King…!’
I raised my head. Everyone around me was looking at me.
Their eyes held the belief that I had a secret plan to navigate this predicament.
“Alright!”
Well, let’s meet those expectations, shall we…!
“I will issue the operation orders now!”
–TL Notes–
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